Some Quick Thoughts About Top Chef So Far This Seez

Is Ed wearing the Kobe's? ... I knew I liked him.

Ty-Lör?

Ed is quite popular in our home. Possibly because he looks like a karate master, but moreso because of the way he talks. He kinda moves his jaw around in a circle -- sort of like how Shaq talks out of the side of his mouth (so does Kandi from RHOA), but it looks more like a cow chewing grass. He seems to be a decent chef too, which is cool I guess if you're into that sort of thing. Also, how much do cows love eating grass? They literally have no other hobbies. 

Chris Jones's hair is UNACCEPTABLE. The little pony-tail thing on top of his head? Only karate masters can pull that off (although I honestly wouldn't be surprised if that guy took karate as a child -- karate's a hobby for kids who can't throw or catch a ball -- and there's no way a man with that type of haircut is a good athlete). 

I know that it seems like I don't respect karate, but I totally do. In fact, I'd be ecstatic if my future pathetic son (who won't be able to throw or catch a ball) decided to take up karate. I'm 34 years old and I still have no idea how those guys can karate-chop a brick.

Can we seriously stop for a second and think about how amazing it is that karate guys can karate-chop a brick?!?! And actually, not just one brick, but like a whole pile of bricks! You can't fake that folks! You can't fake karate-chopping bricks! There's no secret magic bricks out there to buy (trust me, I've searched, OH I'VE SEARCHED). And sometimes they do it with their heels! The other day, I accidentally let my screen door close on my heel and I've been complaining about it ever since. I fucking hate my screen door.

Ty-Lör? With an umlaut? 

Also, what is with this Chef Roblé? The guy can skateboard? That's appealing to me as a television viewer? (For the record, I was actually intrigued when those commercials first came on. I will honestly watch any television show. There was a show last week about guys from Virginia making moonshine -- I stayed up until 2am watching it and seriously considered making my own liquor. Then I heard a noise in my house and got scared and ran to bed.)   

For some reason, my wife really likes Grayson, the semi-attractive lady. It seems like my wife always gravitates to the female chefs. I like her okay. I think my favorite is the cow guy. I think I just really like cows. 

C'mon, that's a nice-looking cow. 

And how 'bout Padma this year, huh? She looks fantastic. Gail looks nice and happy too. I imagine the true perverts out there (I'm talking to you, Rev) prefer Gail to Pad. I will also bet my entire sock of nickels that Gail's husband takes karate. 

It'd be one thing if the guy's name was just Ty-Lör, but it's Ty-Lör Boring! And who has the AU-DA-CITY to have a name with an umlaut?!?!

The episode in Dallas with the young rich couples was mind-boggling. And not just because of the wealth, and how clean those people's homes were, actually yeah, it was how clean those people's homes were. Those kitchens were spotless! Even when our kitchen is tidy, there's still SOMETHING left out -- some mail, a sock full of nickels (some dimes too), my air-pop popcorn maker that seriously doesn't fit into any cabinets -- I don't understand what goes on in this world. 

The only good thing about Dallas ever. Dude ripped like 8 boards a game!

GIRL WITH DRAGON TATTOO UPDATE: So I'm now on page 182 of The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo. Kalle Bloomquist is living on that cold island and just went into town to get some long underwear. I honestly love long underwear. It's so tight! And warm! And long! You guys should read that book. Orrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr check out these 10 Swedish guys and one fake Swedish guy.