Mad Men: Season 4 Finale - So Many Questions

Golden hair, smooth skin, eyes like a Danish gypsy.

Finally got to watch the Mad Men Season Four finale last night and woke up this morning with so many questions: Is Don really gonna marry his secretary? Is Betty scarier than my 7th grade shop teacher? Why does my wife insist on cocoon'ing herself with our comforter? Did her mother not teach her how to share?

Let's tackle some burning Mad Men questions one at a time.

Is this the last we've seen of Glen?

With the Drapers moving to Rye, Sally should be putting her maniac friend in her rear-view mirror allowing Mad Men creator, Matthew Weiner to end his son's role as Glen. In an interview with the New York Times last week, Weiner said that he doesn't understand how people find his son's character to be so creepy. Weiner explains, "He’s got very big eyes and very thick black hair and that may be part of why people think he’s so intense." No Matthew, that's why we think Brian Wilson (the closer for the Giants) is intense. We think your son is crazy because he stares blankly at other humans and collects Betty's hair. Fortunately for him though, some equally as creepy teenage girl will probably love that intensity and one day introduce him to her breasts. He will then most likely kill her.

Speaking of death ...

How will Henry end up killing Betty? And can the writers also kill off Harry Crane? That guy is so annoying.

Amazing how when Don told Betty of his engagement, I actually felt sorry for her, considering she has cemented herself as one of the nastiest villains in entertainment history (along with Richard Hatch, Nurse Ratched and Jason Wahler from the second season of Laguna Beach). However, I still think Henry is going to end up killing her, probably with the politicians' preferred weapon of choice, the shoe horn.

I mean, there's still the oft chance that Henry does not murder the cold wench and chooses instead to sleep with a variety of other women like Don did. But I still think that he's smart enough to realize that the only true way to rid yourself of a crazy lady like Betty is to chop her head off. Even dumb-ass Tara from True Blood came to this conclusion when dealing with her whacked-out vampire lover. And she is really dumb and annoying. Kinda like Harry Crane.

Remember me?

I'll take any medicine you prescribe! Please don't hurt me.

If only Betty would move to Laguna Beach.

What the freeps'd is up with my eyebrows?

Ever since I turned 30, my eyebrows have started to sprout like whoa. I now look like a high school math teacher. For the first 29 years of my life, I had very nice, proportionate eyebrows; I never even had to groom or tweeze them. Now, I have stray hairs popping out in every direction and have to trim them at least once a week. This is reason #437 why I am nothing like Don Draper. Thanks, Don.

Speaking of Don,

Did Don really fall for his secretary?!?! Really?!

During the entire scene when Don was proposing to Meghan, my wife kept repeating, "This is a dream sequence, this is a dream." Four minutes later, when Don was putting the ring on Meghan's finger, my wife was still mumbling to herself (but now also shivering), "This is a dream, right? Please tell me this is a dream. What the freeps'd? This has to be a dream." Turns out Don saw something in the French-Canadian, possibly the way that she calmly dealt with Sally's spilled milkshake? (whereas Betty would've knifed her daughter in broad daylight.) Maybe it was the way she stepped up in the absence of Miss Blankenship? Maybe she has great taste in television programs and Don wants to blog about it? Regardless, Don is smitten (for now).

Please God, I don't want Andy's eyebrows! I'm sorry I was a peeping Tom!

Although Don's impulsive behavior seemed at first to be premature and silly, his proposal mirrors the way that many of us wish we could lead our love-lives, making decisions with our heart (although maybe Don was making decisions with something else ...... I'm talking about his dork ...... maybe he made that decision with his dork). Meghan's acceptance was quite romantic as well, as she said yes right on the spot, taking a leap of faith. Interesting how she chose not to make a pros and cons list like my wife did when I proposed.

Pros: Great eyebrows, no signs that he collects female hair. 
Cons: Family has history of mental illness, just because I haven't found locks of hair doesn't mean he doesn't have any.

It's exciting to make decisions with your gut, to elope with your secretary or to secretly chop off strands of clean, blond hair. I'm curious to see what happens when Don starts leaving his dirty socks in the living room; or when he playfully insults her mother and she takes it too seriously. Also, seeing as she's in her early twenties and seems to be cultured and educated, how is she going to react to the upcoming political problems during America's late 1960's? Will she protest the war and have conflicting ideologies from Don (who is both a veteran and a conservative suit)? Will she burn her bra with Peggy? Will Glen watch them burn their bras? Will Glen use binoculars to spy on them? Were there even binoculars invented in the 1960's? How many pairs of binos do you think I own? The answer is one.

A young Evster spies on Tiger Woods's wife.

Quick tangent: When I was in 7th grade, a middle-aged woman moved into the house next door to ours and did not put up blinds for the first month that she lived there. Her bedroom was across from mine and yes, every night I would spy on her and watch her undress. There would be times when I would stay up until 3am watching her read Time magazine. I remember wanting to write a letter to the editor of Time magazine telling him to shorten their articles (so she could go to bed at a more reasonable hour). My friends even made a waiting list at school where they would sign up to see who could sleep over my house. Amazingly, my friend Nick the Dick always seemed to wind up at the top. Eventually, my neighbor put blinds up and my popularity diminished. To this day, I cannot thank Ryan Silverman enough for getting me a pair of binoculars for my Bar Mitzvah. Ry Guy, if you are out there reading this, THANK YOU. 

To continue with some deviousness,

Will Joan's baby have silver hair?

The consequences for Joan not going through with her abortion are obviously heavy, but even more serious is that fact that when Joan gives birth, she may no longer work at the office! And if this is the case, will she no longer be on the show?!?! Say it ain't so Weiner! I was readying myself for her husband to get blown apart in Vietnam and have her start slutting it up with anyone she could find, kinda like this lady.

What is the highest acceptable price for Tropicana Pure Premium Orange Juice?

This one keeps changing on me. A few years ago, I would NOT buy Tropicana OJ unless I found it on sale at two for $4. Then, I compromised and felt as though two for $5 was doable. Yesterday, I got excited when I saw it for $2.99. Florida's Natural has to take advantage of this. Peggy Olsen and Ken Cosgrove should solicit them for new business.

What a segue!

Peggy Olsen and Ken Cosgrove? ... Ehhh? ... Ehhh?

Cleans up quite well.

I know Ken is engaged, but that means about as much to ad men as it does to a guy named Nick the Dick.  Peggy and Ken's ability to make magic could translate into more collaborations, more late nights at the office and more illegitimate children. Also, between Ken's savvy, Peggy's bra burning and Pete Campbell's obsession with being appreciated, I could foresee the three of them branching off and starting their own firm. Maybe they could hire Joan?!?! No wait, she'd still have that stupid baby ........ stupid baby!

Is Peggy attractive? I still have no idea.

I keep flip flopping on this one. Sometimes she looks great, and other times she looks like my friend Nick the Dick. Overall, I'll give her the thumbs up.

Who the freeps'd do I think I am?!?! Like Peggy Olsen (who probably has a real name) cares what some sweatpants-wearing, bushy eye-browed blogger, who hangs out with guys named Nick the Dick thinks of her looks! I'm sorry Peggy Olsen. You are beautiful. If I were 13 years old, I would totally watch you undress.

So now that Mad Men is over, what should I watch and blog about?

It's official, my wife and I now have ZERO actual, decent shows in our rotation. Should we watch Boardwalk Empire? ... The Mentalist? ... Glee? ... Please don't say Glee 'cause we're not watching Glee. We're also not watching The Mentalist.

Also I would love to see Peggy Olsen naked.