Dancing With the Stars: Week 5 - See Ya Flo-Ho

Oh, don't look so shocked Flo-Ho ... you knew your time was up!

With playoff baseball dominating our television, I did not see this week's Dancing With The Stars and the final performance of Florence Hendy (nor did I see Mad Men ... but expect a report on the finale soooooon).

Although looking back, it's probably better than I didn't see DWTS, because I'm turning into a bit of a DWTS snob. Look, I'm even referring to it as DWTS. How snobby is that? I might as well show up at cocktail parties and start every sentence with, "You knowwww, I just read in the New York Timessss ...." It's gotten to the point that when I watch these pseudo-celebrities dance, I actually critique their performances with my wife. We discuss their abilities to "stay in the frame" and their "musicality" and whether or not they "really believed that they were a swan."

When we first started watching, we'd simply look at each other and say, "that was fun!" or "wow, I never knew Russian women could take their feet and clamp 'em around a man's ear and then propel themselves into the air like a golden swan!" When did we make this switch? And how flexible are Russian women?

I think I can pinpoint the time that I started taking American Idol too seriously. We were watching with our friends Law and Mandy, and thought it'd be a good idea to pause the show after each performance and have our own panel discussion. This lasted about two songs until we realized that we were the biggest losers of all time and Law was standing up to demonstrate how to properly handle a microphone. This was fascinating considering Law had not performed in front of anyone since his marginally impressive performance as a snowman in our 3rd grade play. And yet, here he was giving Crystal Bowersox pointers as if his name was Andrew Lloyd Webber. And even more embarrassing, Crystal Bowersox WAS NOT EVEN IN HIS LIVING ROOM!

Perfect form: mic jammed in face, left hand on the hammer.

I think my week off from Dancing With the Stars will be beneficial. Maybe I can check myself and return to the days of watching the show free and easy, the way Crystal Bowersox probably does. Despite my six weeks of ballroom dancing experience and the interpretive dance solo that I performed at Law's wedding, I'm probably not as credible a judge as Len Goodman. I'm done being so hard on these sort-of-celebrities who are just trying their best.

I'll tell ya what though, Florence Henderson danced like an absolute slut. She had to go.