Nick Lachey Is Totally Back In My Life

Now where did I put my toe-nail clipper?

If I had to rank boy bands (and I do), 98 Degrees would definitely not be the worst. They wouldn't be the tallest, but they also wouldn't be the worst. These guys would be the worst:

Tito, I'm thinking of wearing my sweater vest with all the buttons for the photo shoot, whaddya think? ........ Sounds good, cause I'm gonna wear my puke green Bob Marley cartoon tee with the sleeves rolled up. Freddy, you wearing the Georgetown skull cap that shows off your ENORMOUS neck? ........ Hellllll yeahhhhhhhh.

But this article isn't about these guys, it's about Nick Lachey and his latest 15 minutes of fame as the new host of the NBC's The Sing Off, which was brought to my attention in an email from my friend The Jedi.

Have you ever watched "The Sing Off?" Saw the second hour of it last night. What the F. It was ridiculous and I was sure you watched it.

If you have not seen it: it's this barbershop quartet / a cappella singing contest like American Idol but the judges are the skinny guy from Boyz II Men, Ben Folds and some really good looking chick that I just learned through http://www.nbc.com/sing-off/ won Dancing With the Stars. 

The difference between a terrible a cappella group and the greatest one ever is impossible for a normal person to distinguish. 

Yup, sold!

For the record, I had not heard of The Sing Off and the Jedi did not spell Boyz II Men entirely correctly in his original email. He got the "II" part right, but spelled Boyz with an "s" as opposed to a "z." Regardless, my Monday nights are no longer free to watch football. Plus, I noticed that this Monday night at 9, Mariah Carey is having a one hour special where she'll sing pregnant Christmas songs.

Mariah's beard and Santa's hair both styled by Nick Arrojo

Lachey however is not limiting himself to hosting barbershop singing contests (nor should he) as I flipped on Live With Regis and Kathie Lee this morning to find him guest co-hosting with Kelly Ripa. I would also like to state for the record that my wife does NOT watch Live With Regis and Kathie Lee because she has a JOB and the show is DUMB and thus Live With Regis and Kathie Lee is not an officially endorsed TV My Wife Watches program. It is however a TV I Like To Watch While Unemployed or Home Sick With Mono When I Was In 8th Grade program and to be honest, A PRETTY GOOD SHOW!

This morning, Kelly went on some tangent to discuss herself (shocking) and the wax statue that Madame Tussauds is making of her. In Kelly's defense, she did kind of have a funny joke when she said that a wax statue of her was pretty redundant. In fact, I actually think Kelly is sort of funny / likable except she is always sitting in positions that make her seem to be absolutely freezing. Her arms will be folded or she'll be shivering or hunched over, similarly to a frail grandmother or starving teenager at her Bat Mitzvah. Lachey responded to Kelly by saying that he already had a wax statue made of him (in a strip mall in the Philippines) where apparently 98 Degrees is HUGE. This is hardly surprising considering TV My Wife Watches is also huge in the Philippines (two hits from there last week!).   

I also defy you to spell Philippines correctly. How many L's? How many P's? My middle name is Philip and I seriously had to ask my mother how to spell it when I was applying for a job in my twenties.

Nick Lachey, Bristol Palin and Serena Williams pose for a photo op.

I'm not sure where I'm going with this, but I do know that thanks to unemployment I just saw The Situation give Nick Lachey secrets to a "Killer Ab Workout" while a freezing cold woman with a giant clavicle sticking out of her sweater sat on a stool screaming, "That's what I'm talking 'bout!"  I also know that I will watch anything with a barbershop quartet.

For the record, top 5 boy bands:

1. The Jackson Five
2. Boyz II Men
3. New Edition
4. 112
5. Backstreet Boys

Also, I just watched a little of a New Kids on the Block reunion concert on Palladia from 2010 and I'm 99% sure that Donnie Wahlberg was performing with a backbrace on. And the women in the crowd were honestly SO OLD. One lady had a sign that read, "Donnie, do my breast exam." Oh, and one guy (not Joey, not Donnie, not The Main Guy, but someone else) looks EXACTLY LIKE A HORSE these days and I'M NOT JOKING.

Lastly, this is an ABSOLUTELY AMAZING website and totally worth checking out ... 45 ridiculous pictures of boy bands. Two of my personal favorites below.

I'll take "What is a Buffalo Stance?" for 800 Alex. 

Mr. Milk of Magnesia looks totally normal hovering above them. Totally normal!