The Bachelor: Jennifer the Redhead Gets Booted In the Most Shocking Development of the Seez and Yet She Still Doesn't Get One Stinking Mention in this Post

Somehow the fact that these women are are emotionally defeated makes this picture that much hotter. 

And nowwwwwwww, it's time for everyone's (no-one's) favorite game ...

"DID YOU NOTICE?!"

yayyyyyyy!

yayyyyyyy!

neighhhhh!

I'm a horse!

DID YOU NOTICE the Bachelor cameraman just chillin' in the water while Ben and Elyse jumped off that yacht? There he was, floating in his wetsuit with a giant camera attached to his shoulder, waiting to film their little legs flailing under the sea. I imagine this guy is a master of filming underwater shots, a SCUBA guru called on by ABC to capture any and every aquatic scene. When Ben and Jennifer went spelunking in that cave last week, he was there. When Captain Sully Sullenberger landed that jet in the Hudson, he was there. When Ben and Courtney went skinny dipping in the middle of the night, WHERE THE HELL WAS HE?!?!

He was probably sleeping, exhausted after a long day of SWIMMING IN THE OCEAN WHILE CARRYING A GIANT CAMERA, but he still missed a golden opportunity to film Ben's offshore drilling.

The cameraman who did film the scene was not able to get the close-up underwater access necessary to determine whether or not Ben actually porked her. Personally, I think he definitely porked her (how could he not pork her?!?!), but until Courtney sells her story to US Weekly, we won't know for sure if in fact he porked her (he porked her).

DID YOU NOTICE Ben totally covering up his dork when he took off his pants? Doesn't that lead you to believe that he has a small dork? My buddy Law said maybe he was just trying to stretch it out (definitely possible, absolutely definitely possible), but I'm just saying if he had a normal sized dork he wouldn't have had to cover up or stretch out anything.

How is this happening?!?!

DID YOU NOTICE how Emily is the ONLY person on this show that has moles?!?! I can't believe Ben didn't send her home. And how the hell does ABC keep finding so many mole-less people? And is she the biggest idiot of all time?

Moments after apologizing for being an idiot, she started acting like an idiot again. And why is it so hard for her to figure out why Ben is willing to hang out with Courtney? "Ohhhhh, she's such a vapid, mean person. You don't see her act the way we doooooooo ..."

SHE FUCKS DUDES IN THE OCEAN!

Maybe if Elyse had decided to bone Ben instead of just swimming around like a little prude, Ben woulda kept her too. 

DID YOU NOTICE Ben picking up that rose and waving it right in Elyse's face before he dumped her? Was that the biggest dick move in Bach history? 

Or was it more of a dick move to lie to her and tell her, "you're an incredible incredible woman," when he clearly meant to say, "you're an incredibly fit woman."

DID YOU NOTICE how much handholding is going on all over the place? It's disgusting! I'm honestly more bothered by all the handholding than by the fact that Ben is a fucking dick! 

DID YOU NOTICE Chris Harrison wearing a ring on his index finger?! WHAT THE FUCK IS HE TRYING TO PROVE?!

DID YOU NOTICE how close all the girls were sitting together at the hotel room? There were around five barefoot women (that's ten feet!) all scrunched up on one chair. So much skin. So erotic. Was that the sick perverted producer's idea? Or are Puerto Rican hotel rooms just very poorly furnished? 

DID YOU NOTICE how small that elephant is in that new movie starring The Rock?!?! It's so small!

I still think that picture of the tigers swimming is more mind blowing than this fucking elephant!

I'd like to take this time mention that my wife and I took TVMWW on the road last night and watched at our friends Em & Gil's house with our other friends, Law & Chicken. Em & Gil have two small children so we watched the entire episode on very low volume while they slept upstairs. I honestly didn't hear a goddamn spoken word all night. That probably explains why this entire post is written with this whole "DID YOU NOTICE" theme, because I was forced to only use my sense of sight. Not to mention the fact that Chicken spent the whole episode slinging zingers (probably in hopes of being quoted in this here blog and to be fair, she's probably responsible for 75% of the material). It should also be stated for the record that Emily spent the entire evening wearing a pair of Gil's Gold Toe dress socks, by far the shaftiest brand of dress socks known to man.

DID YOU NOTICE how these people are always unnecessarily running everywhere?!?! They're like my buddy's 3-year-old son, Bassy (and yeah, that's his actual name). When the girls hopped off the bus at Roberto Clemente stadium, they broke right into a trot. Hey look! There's a helicopter! Let's run! THIS IS NO WAY TO ACT! STOP RUNNING ALL THE TIME! RUNNING IS FOR PRUDES!

DID YOU NOTICE how big Rachel's boobs were?!?! Every week this lady surprises me with her big boobs. A few weeks ago, I was like, "Whoa, that lady's got bigger boobs than I thought." Then, last week I thought, "Wow, I know I was surprised last week by how big her boobs were, but I'm still surprised by her boobs," and then this week I was like, "I'M TOTALLY AWARE OF HER BOOBS BUT THEY'RE STILL SURPRISING ME ON A WEEKLY BASIS AND HOW IS IT POSSIBLE FOR ME TO LIKE BOOBS THIS MUCH I'M 34 YEARS OLD I ALSO LIKE BUTTS FOR THE RECORD."

I CAN'T WAIT FOR NEXT WEEK!

In order to keep readers in the habit of commenting, this week I'll be giving away a FREE PIZZA to a random commenter. Seriously, next Monday at noon, I'll have a drawing and order a pizza to be delivered to your home or workplace. A lot (maybe 6) people have told me they had trouble entering comments here at blobspops.com, so if you're still failing to see your post, simply comment on my Facebork page or email me at tvmywifewatches@gmail.com. Or just watch the new Ferris Bueller commercial.