The Bachelor: Brad's Actual Last Name is "Pickelsimer" ... Yes, "Pickelsimer"

Mr. Pickels doesn't look so great without that wet driveway, does he?

Yesterday, a story was broken that The Bachelor, Brad Womack, has a criminal record. Turns out, my wife's favorite tattooed beau-hunk was arrested in 1993 for forging a driver's license. He was also busted for public intoxication and for passing a bad check.

However, this is nothing, NOTHING compared to the story that broke along with his arrests that his given birth name is actually Stephen Bradley Pickelsimer. Obviously, none of us get to pick our birth names, so we can't hold Brad accountable, but this may further explain Brad's hatred of his father. It may also increase my wife's crush on Brad considering she LURVES pickles!

Mr. Pickels had to know this information would be found out at some point and my heart goes out to him on this matter. Lord knows that if I ever became famous, there would be a laundry list of secret sauce out there on me. For example, few people know that I was actually born with thirteen testicles.

Luckily for Brad, Pickelsimer is not the worst name of all time, but it certainly ranks right up there alongside Lipschutz, Glasscock and Jewbergstein.

Apologies go out to the late, great Professor Schlomo Jewbergstein, most well known for claiming to have coined the phrase, "coined the phrase."

Here's lookin' at you, Shlomo.